Addiction to unpleasant emotional states?

We have learned more about the brain in the last 15-20 years than in all previous years combined! Technology now allows us to scan and study the brain in a way most of us never imagined (luckily a few people imagined it, and then made it possible...thanks!), and this "new" brain research has opened up the realm of understanding around addiction. What's interesting is that very similar things are going on in the brain of someone who has panic attacks, OCD, addiction to drugs, pornography, etc. Now, this isn't to say that each drug is alike. For example, there are different consequences (physical, social, etc.) of addiction to anxiety vs. addiction to alcohol. Nevertheless, in addiction the brain is using each drug for a similar purpose. Our coping mechanisms (including addictions) are strategies used to deal with suffering, discomfort, fear, abandonment and pain.

Much of what happens when the cravings for our drug, or for our coping mechanisms, pop up is subconscious and pre-conscious. Clients will sometimes come in and say something like, "I had a lapse this last week," or "I experienced some days of depression." They may then describe their confusion..."I don't know what happened. It was a good day and then suddenly"....whatever they struggle with hit them. Clients begin to experience greater healing as they increase their awareness of what's going on underneath the cravings, triggers, and emotional overwhelm (these things don't come from nowhere).

While our addictions, including our addictions to emotions, change our brain and create "sickness" (meaning our physcial brain can't function the same way it would if it were healthy) there is hope for change and healing and joy. The brain is considered neuroplastic which means it can change. And it does. I have people say to me things like, "you work with addictions? That must be hard, I hear there's not much change in that line of work." Wrong! I see change in my office everyday. Healing the brain is not a fast fix experience, but it is one of the most rewarding, joyful, sacred experiences we each can go through in our life.

Within

"You, the richest person in the world, have been laboring and struggling endlessly, not understnading that you already possess all that you seek." _The Lotus Sutra

So, if this is true, which I believe it is. Why do we sometimes feel so stuck, so at a loss for how to get out of the anger, the depression, the unhealthy relationship, the anxiety...etc. While I believe we all have our answers within us, I also believe that those answers get covered up by pain, self-criticism, distractions, unawareness, and simple unknowing.

One of the things that can help us to find answers is our body. Friedrich Nietzsche said, "There is more wisdom in your body than in your deepest philosophies."

The practice: Begin noticing your gut, quite literally...begin noticing your stomach area. Start by taking 1 min. each day this week to simply breath, close your eyes, let go of thoughts, and just notice the stomach. As you breath, notice its movement. Notice any tightness or looseness, notice any parts of the stomach that feel heavy or light. If there is any tightness, any spots of heaviness, if it feels blah or grayish (and you don't have the flu) ask yourself, "what am I believing or thinking about myself in this moment." What I have found is that the gut always communicates to us when we're believing something untrue about ourself. For example, I forget to call a friend back, I remember the next week and think, "Ah, I'm a bad friend." This is an untrue belief because even though I didn't remember to call my friend, and even though I may have hurt her feelings, I'm not a bad friend. My gut would tighten up if I were carrying this belief or thought. As you take time to practice moments of concentrated effort in this you may begin to notice your stomach speaking more often, not because it wasn't speaking before, but because you were unaware. I will talk more about body work in future posts, as the body is one of the best ways to better understand ourself.

What are problems?

"Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines." -Robert Schuller

Problems are a voice. They are those things that tell us something is amiss. Something in us is hurting, we have suffered some level of trauma, there is a foreign invader etc. It's the same thing physically. When we are sick it is a sign that either our immune system is unable to function correctly (perhaps because we haven't been sleeping as needed, eating well, we're stressed, etc.) and/or because there is a foreign invader that's more powerful than our immune system- whether strong or weak, such as a virus or bacteria.

We often become aware of a problem, and feel some amount of distress. For example, I may notice myself reacting to something with anxiety and think, "Oh, why do I always get so anxious, this isn't that big of a deal, I need to get rid of this anxiety, etc., etc. My client may find out her son is addicted to pornography and think, "Oh, no we've got to get rid of this addiction." While it makes perfect sense that we want to remove the problem, it is helpful to recognize that these "problems" are signs that something needs attending to. Once we are able to understand the source of our negative cycles, addictions, problems (call them what you will), and begin healing at the source, the undesired behaviors or emotional reactions naturally take care of themselves. Once we've done the mortal response, of panicking, to a problem, practice the awareness that this problem is a sign of something deeper, it's not who I am, and begin to search for resources that will help you to gain access to what's going on under the problem. We can than be grateful for our problems. They have helped us to better understand ourselves, and what we truly need.

Hello!

I'm so excited to be here, right now, today, starting this blog. It's strangely nostalgic to be moving into this part of my journey. While it's the beginning of a new experience (building up my private practice, this blog, etc.) it's also the closing of some past experiences. As I look forward with wonder onto a path which I can only follow a little ways with my eyes (beyond that is unknown territory), I feel a sense of gratitude for what's behind me. While I'm grateful for the learning gained, the good books that were recommended, the schooling, the work experiences...I'm especially grateful for the connections formed and felt with truth seekers, mentors, teachers, clients (who also fit into the teacher category as they have been among my greatest teachers), true friends, and my own true self. My perception of healing has shifted and transformed over the last few years and that is why I'm here. I want to share some of the ah-hah's, the confusions, the questions, and the answers that have brought me and my clients to where we each stand on our path today. I hope this blog will provide helpful insights and resources. Please feel free to comment with questions or email me at the email listed. I currently work in private practice in Sandy, UT (near Salt Lake City), and offer web-cam sessions for those who cannot come into the office due to distance or other circumstances.

What is the difference between a Marriage & Family Therapist and other kinds of counselors?

This was one of the first questions I asked as I explored options for graduate work and a career move. I met with Licensed Clinical Social Workers (LCSW) and Licensed Marriage & Family Therapists (LMFT) to discuss the different disciplines. Other counselors include: Psychologists and Licensed Professional Counselors (LPC). The last agency I worked for had all four diciplines housed together, so I was able to get a better picture of the similarities & differences between them. Here's what I've seen, heard, & experienced: In the agency I worked for all four types of counselors worked with the different client groups. For example, as a Marriage & Family Therapist I worked with individuals, couples, and families. The LCSWs, Psychologist, and LPC also worked with individuals, couples, and families. While different types of counselors may work with different kinds of clients groups there are some distinctions in training and therapist preferences. As a Marriage & Family Therapist I was trained in "systems." This means that when someone comes in with a "problem" I find it most helpful to take a holistic view of what's happening and rather than looking at the isolated "problem" alone, take into account other factors that influence and are affected by the struggle. That means, if an individual comes in for help with depression, I see that client's own self as a system (which includes a physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual body). I find it most helpful to address the cycles, and the influences of the different parts of the self as they pertain to the issue presented. I also assess the influences and effects of larger systems, such as the marital system, family system, etc. Systemic training also adds an important dimension of understanding when working with a couple or members of a family. This holistice and comprehensive view of "problems" was what drew me to Marriage & Family Therapy. The more I do this work, the more I am convinced that true healing comes not from simply getting rid of the "symptoms," such as depression, anxiety, addictions, relational problems, etc., but comes from addressing the deeper, underlying experiences that feed the symptomatic cycles. If there are more specific questions on this topic please feel free to comment or email (jennymorrowcounseling@gmail.com).